What If Our Friends Are Trump Supporters?

A couple of months ago, the kids and I were driving up to northern Wisconsin for a week-long break from COVID-19 cabin fever. We had an invitation to stay at our friends’ lakeside cottage. We became friends with them in the early 2000s when I moved to a small town up there. They are like family to us. As we were driving we saw many Trump/Pence yard signs and billboards. Biden had not yet picked his running mate. As a result, there were hardly any Biden signs. And of course, there were no Biden/Harris signs.

After we drove past Wasau, it suddenly struck my daughter, “What if they (our family-like friends) have a Trump sign in their yard? What if they are Trump supporters?”

I don’t discuss politics a lot with our friends, but from the little that I did discuss, I knew they were not enamored by Trump. Yet, I didn’t want to tell that to my daughter. She had an important “what if” that offered a teaching opportunity that a parent must not ignore. On other days, I might not have caught this chance so easily. But that day, I was only about halfway through an eight-hour drive. And I had nothing else hanging over my head.

I asked, “What do you think it would mean if they had a Trump sign in their yard?”

“I don’t know,” she replied, adding, “Trump is mean. He is not a nice man.”

“I agree,” I said, “But what do you think about them (our friends)? Are they mean too?”

“No!” came the emphatic response, “They are the nicest people we know.”

“You are wondering how to make sense as to why such nice people would support such a mean person.”

‘Yes, I don’t get it.”

“Here’s the thing,” I tried my best to explain, “Most people vote for people based on their sense of who will be the most right for the country and for them at that particular point in time. Some people only think about what’s in it for them. But regardless of whether they vote more selfishly or less selfishly, most people end up thinking about all the various ways in which a person could have an impact on issues important to them.”

Continuing, I added, “For example, what will a candidate do for the economy and their job and their children’s jobs? They might think about what the person might do about sending our soldiers abroad to fight. Or what the person might do with regards to climate change, nuclear power, or drilling for oil in America. After thinking about all these things the person might decide that the meaner person has policies they like and the nicer person doesn’t. When that happens they might decide that the person’s meanness is irrelevant. Now, there are some people who might actually like a mean president. They think that being mean to people who oppose you is right.”

“If our friends are Trump supporters,” I asked, “Which group do you think they belong to — the group that likes a president who is mean to opponents? Or the group that thinks he is doing the right things, so what if he is mean?”

“Probably the second kind?” she said, unsure of herself.

“So if they turn out to be the kind who like Trump being mean, how should we deal with that versus if they belonged to the group that like Trump’s policies?”

“I don’t know,” she said. I don’t blame her. After all, she is still in grade school.

“I think if they like a mean president because he is mean, this is the last time we should meet such friends. If, on the other hand, they are supportive of Trump because of his policies and the discussion comes up, we could listen to their point of view and then share ours. We wouldn’t end our friendship over it, even if we continue to have different opinions. Because our friendship is based on how we treat each other, not on how we vote.”

She nodded in understanding.

Our Wisconsin family had no Trump/Pence signs. And our almost 20-year long friendship remains strong as ever. But even if they were Trump supporters, I like to think we would have dealt with it just as I told my daughter during that drive.

[Featured photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash]